xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
