So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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