Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
