She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Enjoy the penises
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
