i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
