Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
