I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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