guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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