I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
