I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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