I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
