planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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