Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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