Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
