Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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