I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
