I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
