Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
