i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize