So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
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I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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