You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
