I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
