literally had 100 drinks last night.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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