Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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