you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
