i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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