the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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