god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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