so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
