Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
