I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
