Your tits are I can't wait for
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
