More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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