i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
