Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
