this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
