Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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