Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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