She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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