I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
