From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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