My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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