is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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