you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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