Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
