you traded sex for a burrito?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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