you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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