Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
