Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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