Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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