He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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