i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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