is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
