So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
