I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
