Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
