I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
