Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
