i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
