it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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