Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
