Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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