I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
