im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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