I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
