So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So squirting runs in the family.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
